You

It's hard to come to the realization that you're just another statistic in the grand scheme of things. To the people in your life you are important and much more than a statistic, of course, but get outside your circle of trust and you're just a statistic. I'm just another single mom doing the best she can with what little she's got left. There are a lot of us in this world, I'm learning. Some are not as lucky as me - I was a single mom even before I was single.

You were always gone. Always. You lived for the infantry and I knew I would always be third in line after the Corps and the kids. I just wanted roses on our anniversary even though you were gone. Other women got lovely arrangements and gifts while their man was deployed. I just wanted a damn birthday card that you could have given me before you left. I wanted to know that even though I was third I'd still get my medal. A participation trophy, even.

I didn't want the world, I didn't want a huge TV, I didn't want to be any richer than we were. I wanted to know that all the sacrifices I made and all the shit I put up with wasn't in vain, that I did it for a man who'd move mountains for me. You couldn't even get your dirty clothes to the hamper. I wanted to feel beautiful, young. Not exhausted and ragged because even when you came home we all lost out to the Xbox or Sportscenter or fight night at SSgt's house. I wanted to take five minutes outside to just breathe without being accused of walking out and not being able to talk like an adult. I wanted you to stop chugging energy drinks because they were costing us $80 a month and I just wanted to get my hair done once in awhile. I wanted you to go see Harry Potter with me. I wanted to stay later at Jeff and Amy's because all the good stuff always happened after we left and I was so bored in that damn desert.

I wanted you to realize that I am still drowning in the pain of my father's death and that having you in my life wasn't going to make that agony just go away with a flick of my fairy godmother's wand.

I would have settled for a birthday card.